he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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