last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize