he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
