In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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