SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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