I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
