Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
