I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize