Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this will be a night to untag.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
