Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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