I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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