I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
