So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
