Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
