I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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