so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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