I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
