Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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