Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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