So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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