WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
