just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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