ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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