Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
