im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
