After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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