How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
