last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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