they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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