Please, let me fuck your mom
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They took my balls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
