Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
