Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
