talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
