i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
