She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
