I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
