You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
