I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
