Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We got so high we made milksteak
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
