Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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