Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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