we have officially lost it.
look no pants
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
