I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
