Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
