so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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