dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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