Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
