felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
