Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's never too late to be topless.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
