i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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