you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
