I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
