I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
birth control should be required to get into college
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize