Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
