Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
