in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
no, he came in my armpit
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
