The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
