Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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