I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize