You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
