I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
