it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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