if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
