I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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