the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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