got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
