My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
