i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
