We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
