I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to have your abortion
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
