"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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