whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You made out with two different species that night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
