ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
