I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize