Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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