No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize