You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
