Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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