a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
