Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
