South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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