I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
