My friends, they love my intelligence
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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