You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
