I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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