The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize