thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
