we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
