Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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