Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
