): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize