i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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