FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
