NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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