at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
