Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
