Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
