I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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