This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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