they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
