I hate your face
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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