Dual....:-)
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
