So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize