at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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