So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
