My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The adults are the big ones right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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