I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
