I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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