i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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