This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
that is very illegal...i love you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
