Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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