From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The best revenge is premature balding
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
