Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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