we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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