woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
