i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
