I accidentally burped into my bong.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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