He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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