I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
