How'd it feel making her break her religion?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
