I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize