And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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